(editor's note: So I was going to write this big thing about today's election, but frankly I think I said it best in this classic Pizza Diaries post from back in January of 2005. It's amazing how times don't change. Enjoy...>
"Debate on the gay marriage issue
had been low-key and polite."
- Paul Martin, Prime Minister of Canada
(like "President of the United States" but more low-key and polite)
Name: Paul Martin.
Goldilocks and the 3 Bears character: Papa Bear.
Opinion on gay marriage: "Pro gay marriage. But not gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But not gay. Honestly. Watch me bang my wife. See. Not gay!"
I googled for over 3 minutes and this is the funniest picture that I could find. (But if you think he looks funny, you should see our previous Prime Minister). Paul is CEO of the Liberal Party. And boy was it a party. For about 2 months, that is. Before a big fat scandal wiped that smirk from his face faster than you can say "I just spent 100 million of your tax dollars on advertising with nothing to advertise about or advertisements to show for it." Was his successful attempt to pass this same-sex marriage bill a means to avoid controversy? Yeesh, I sure hope not.
Name: Stephen Harper.
Goldilocks and the 3 Bears character: The Porridge.
Opinion on gay marriage: "You know what gay love is? Gay love is an illusion created by gay lawyers to perpetuate another illusion called gay marriage to create the reality of gay divorce and the illusionary need for gay divorce lawyers." (bonus points if you know the reference)
Stephen is the fuhrer... err leader, sorry, of the Naz... err Conservative Party, sorry. There's something I've always found rather terrifying about him. Perhaps it's the lack of color in his hair. And his skin. And his lips. And his eyes. He says he will do everything in his power to block same sex marriage. Methinks thou protests to much.
Name: Jack Layton.
Goldilocks and the 3 Bears character: The Chair.
Opinion on gay marriage: Sorry but I didn't bother to look it up. Probably pro though. I mean, look at those arms!
Jack heads up the New Democratic Party AKA "NDP" AKA "NDippers" AKA "Communists". He's there by the people, for the people... oh wait. The people never vote for him. Oh well, he's there anyway. And he's not taking it anymore. Just what "it" is, no one is quite sure. All I know is that orange is not my colour. So I'll probably never vote for him. But look at those arms!
Name: Gilles Duceppe.
Goldilocks and the 3 Bears character: Goldilocks.
Opinion on gay marriage: He's French. What do you think?
By far the most attractive of our potential leaders, Duce, as he likes for me to call him, runs a tiny convenience store... err, political party, in Montreal called the Bloc Quebecois. A lot of Quebecers don't really like being a part of Canada and the tectonic plates just aren't moving fast enough for them. So every once in awhile they get a couple dozen signatures on a petition to separate from Canada. They complain about how they are losing their culture, language and national identity. But since no one outside of Quebec can speak French, we really have no idea what they're talking about.
Of course like any other democracy, we've got our fair share of loonies (if you were Canadian you would have thought that was quite the pun!). So here's a quick list of parties that tend to get 5 votes or less (mostly less).
The Rhinoceros Party of Canada - "The party's main campaign promise was to promise nothing. " My guess is pro gay.
Christian Heritage Party - "Canada was founded upon principles that recognize the supremacy of God and the rule of law." Hmmm, tough one. I would guess... anti gay. Ding! Ding! Ding! Correct!
Marijuana Party of Canada - "Here I was," [party founder Marc-Boris St-Maurice] laughs, "in the joint for possessing joint making material - all of a sudden, I'm smoking a joint!" Pro gay? Anti gay? See if you can wake them up and find out.
What a queer country we are...
"Debate on the gay marriage issue
had been low-key and polite."
- Paul Martin, Prime Minister of Canada
(like "President of the United States" but more low-key and polite)
Name: Paul Martin.
Goldilocks and the 3 Bears character: Papa Bear.
Opinion on gay marriage: "Pro gay marriage. But not gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But not gay. Honestly. Watch me bang my wife. See. Not gay!"
I googled for over 3 minutes and this is the funniest picture that I could find. (But if you think he looks funny, you should see our previous Prime Minister). Paul is CEO of the Liberal Party. And boy was it a party. For about 2 months, that is. Before a big fat scandal wiped that smirk from his face faster than you can say "I just spent 100 million of your tax dollars on advertising with nothing to advertise about or advertisements to show for it." Was his successful attempt to pass this same-sex marriage bill a means to avoid controversy? Yeesh, I sure hope not.
Name: Stephen Harper.
Goldilocks and the 3 Bears character: The Porridge.
Opinion on gay marriage: "You know what gay love is? Gay love is an illusion created by gay lawyers to perpetuate another illusion called gay marriage to create the reality of gay divorce and the illusionary need for gay divorce lawyers." (bonus points if you know the reference)
Stephen is the fuhrer... err leader, sorry, of the Naz... err Conservative Party, sorry. There's something I've always found rather terrifying about him. Perhaps it's the lack of color in his hair. And his skin. And his lips. And his eyes. He says he will do everything in his power to block same sex marriage. Methinks thou protests to much.
Name: Jack Layton.
Goldilocks and the 3 Bears character: The Chair.
Opinion on gay marriage: Sorry but I didn't bother to look it up. Probably pro though. I mean, look at those arms!
Jack heads up the New Democratic Party AKA "NDP" AKA "NDippers" AKA "Communists". He's there by the people, for the people... oh wait. The people never vote for him. Oh well, he's there anyway. And he's not taking it anymore. Just what "it" is, no one is quite sure. All I know is that orange is not my colour. So I'll probably never vote for him. But look at those arms!
Name: Gilles Duceppe.
Goldilocks and the 3 Bears character: Goldilocks.
Opinion on gay marriage: He's French. What do you think?
By far the most attractive of our potential leaders, Duce, as he likes for me to call him, runs a tiny convenience store... err, political party, in Montreal called the Bloc Quebecois. A lot of Quebecers don't really like being a part of Canada and the tectonic plates just aren't moving fast enough for them. So every once in awhile they get a couple dozen signatures on a petition to separate from Canada. They complain about how they are losing their culture, language and national identity. But since no one outside of Quebec can speak French, we really have no idea what they're talking about.
----------------------
Of course like any other democracy, we've got our fair share of loonies (if you were Canadian you would have thought that was quite the pun!). So here's a quick list of parties that tend to get 5 votes or less (mostly less).
The Rhinoceros Party of Canada - "The party's main campaign promise was to promise nothing. " My guess is pro gay.
Christian Heritage Party - "Canada was founded upon principles that recognize the supremacy of God and the rule of law." Hmmm, tough one. I would guess... anti gay. Ding! Ding! Ding! Correct!
Marijuana Party of Canada - "Here I was," [party founder Marc-Boris St-Maurice] laughs, "in the joint for possessing joint making material - all of a sudden, I'm smoking a joint!" Pro gay? Anti gay? See if you can wake them up and find out.
Winner of the Best Political Party Slogan Award:
"When no choice is a good choice,
"When no choice is a good choice,
and the best choice is no choice,
the only real choice is the new choice."
posted by pizza diarist | 1:45 PM
2 Comments:
After reading this entry from last year, I can't help but wonder (yet again), why the hell are we having another election? Man, I hope that porridge doesn't get elected Prime Minister. Because even when porridge is just right, it's still really awful. And anti-gay.
Reference: Kevin (a.k.a. Andrew McCarthy) in "St. Elmo's Fire".
It's the end of the world as we know it.
And it's all the worse because it's the Great Big "C" version.
... hey it's 2am and i'm hammered. That's the best I could do.
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