Saturday

As Library Girl boards a plane and heads thousands of miles to the deep south, I get picked up by my aunt and uncle in a Chevrolet Caprice and head 150 miles south to Bridgewater. My grandmother has been in the hospital for 8 weeks and I haven't visited her in 6 months. Today being Mother's Day, probably her last, she's been given special permission to leave the hospital for a few hours. The whole family has a table booked at the local Wandlyn Inn for their annual Mother's Day buffet. I wear my oldest looking old-man cardigan, blue slacks, and brown bowling shoes, yet I'm still the most modern dressed in the room. I accentuate my slouch and complain a lot about the meal. I'm in my element. That is, until they begin eating. Suddenly all flesh melts away and I'm surrounded by a sea of clicking dentures, making that barely audiable popping sound as they seperate from their bald gums. I force down as much overcooked roast beef and pureed potatoes as possible before I make a quick exit.

Sunday

Recently self employed Bish and to all intents and purposes unemployed Pizza Diarist head to Gus' Pub. One of the perks of being self-employed or to all intents and purposes unemployed is the ability to attend shows on Sunday nights and not worry about having to do anything that requires the use of your frontal lobes the next day. The fact that both of us could easily get through the next day without ever putting pants on was enough reason not to second guess yourself when you're tetering towards the bar for your fifth beer of the night. Duchess Says impresses enough for me to pick up their 12" (listen to it here). Bish's ability to make live shows the Best Show Ever by not showing up appears to be weakening.

Monday

Dinner at my parents with my mother's extended family. And by "extended" I mean insane. Dinner consists of wine with a side plate of freshly boiled lobster, salmon, scallops and baked potatoes. And because it's a family dinner with my family, things go weird fast. We head out on the deck and smoke Cuban cigars. Then we play a game of Texas Hold'em (with my mother wearing a Texas Hold'em shirt). I win the pot ($24) which I plan to use on a much needed haircut.

Tuesday

My plan to not wear pants is thwarted by a phone call from Ex-Coworker William. Ex-Coworker William's mother had recently discovered half a dozen old 8mm home movies. Conveniently I had just purchased a projector at the VV eight days ago. Seeing Ex-Coworker William again brings back old times and old bad habits. For the next two hours we sit back and watch the footage he brought, none of which he had ever seen before. I don't know what I enjoyed more, getting a chance to try out my new projector or the look on Ex-Coworker William's face when his divorced parents were seen kissing under the mistletoe on Christmas day in 1983. Later there's a three hour thunderstorm. I got scared.

Wednesday

It's 11:30am and still no pants.