This may come as a surprise to many of my readers, but I am not much of an athlete. I mean, I was always really good at Ice Hockey for the original Nintendo. I could even win using only the fat, slow players with the wicked hard slap shot, but put a real hockey stick in my hand and I'm using it to scratch that part of my back that I can't reach.

I still wake up screaming with cold sweats from nightmares involving flashbacks to the highbeam routine I performed for the school during gymnastics week in grade seven. And I still have a dent in my chest from when I was involved in an interesting version of dodgeball that involved the football team holding me spread eagled against a wall.

Though I will admit that there are a few sports that I'm surprisingly good at. Usually these sports are ones that involve pure instinct and little to no physical effort. And if the instruments used are as light as possible, well that helps too.

For example, I was once teamed up with a star athlete during badminton week under the assumption that I would be as good at it as I was at dodgeball. Well, I showed them by manhandling those birdies like no other. I'd dive down to my knees to dig the cock out. It would shoot straight up and I would slam it down in their face. I left many an opponent sweaty and blushing.

Table tennis was my specialty, though. I'd twirl the ball around in the palm of my hand, all the while starring my opponent directly in the eye. Then, with a quick jerk of the wrist I'd send it squirting across the net. They'd often stare in disbelief at how fast I could make it come.

So what if all the sports that I am good at tend to involve cocks and small balls.